if melbourne is sooooo good, how come they’ve never won a single state of origin? marinate on that, you organic coffee drinking FUCKS 

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You bought a dog, or rather, one timeline of you bought a dog.
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in hindsight i shouldnt have poured boxed wine and vodka into my can of 4loko last night but on the other hand this body is merely a flesh vessel for my stardust to experience other stardust

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If it wasn’t for Saturday afternoons, would I ever find the time to shitpost on the internet?

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On a scale of Drunk to Drunk enough to fuck your mum, I’m already balls deep in your aunt.

My drunk posting on tumblr reminds me distinctly of Jaden Smith’s Twitter and that scares me.

I feel like none of you appreciate space on the same level as I do.

Joe Hockey? More like Hoe Jockey am I right ladies?

new beanie arrived in the mail today. It’s too small for my head, but I’mma rock it anyway.
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I went to get coffee with this girl a couple days ago. It was my first day off in 10 days, so naturally i was a little high, a little drunk, and just generally excited to get up to some ridiculous shenanigans. Turned out she hated smokers, didn’t drink, and at one point gave me a 10 minute lecture about how all drugs are bad.

Today she sent me a text saying that she wished me all the best, but that “our personalities didn’t really mesh”. Like, hun…

You don’t even know.





I bought my friend an elephant for their room.

They said “Thank you.”

I said “Don’t mention it.”

Is there a joke here that 15 thousand people get but I don’t?


I fucking hate this website

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